Raising twins is certainly a huge challenge for their parents, grandparents, and caregivers. The deep closeness that twins share is life-sustaining for each twin’s psychological development. The twin bond can confuse parents because what underlies the closeness, feelings, and comfort is imperceptible to outsiders.

I wrote in detail about the depth of the twin bond in my book, “Alone in the Mirror: Twins in Therapy.” The following strategies are an outgrowth of my personal and professional experiences with my own twin and my twin clients, ages 3 to 70.

1. Develop a unique relationship with each child based on real, actual details of their individual personalities.
2. Avoid projecting your beliefs about “who your twin is” upon your child. For example, Twin Castor is “like his father,” and Twin Pollux is “like his mother.” Projections make it more difficult to define who the child is.
3. Avoid labels, because they are toxic to your children’s development.
   • dominant/non-dominant
   • shy/outgoing
   • smart/slow learner
   • pretty/plain

These labels are hurtful and demeaning to each twin’s identity.

Things to do include:

1. Establish special time with each child every day and develop your attachment to the child.
2. When differences arise, describe them in behavioral words, not as personality traits. For example, “interested in reading” or “interested in drama”.